So here I am, back to square one. Sitting here thinking why the fuck I bought this upon myself. I'm sure of it, I'm going to die lonely, no one can fucken stand me, not even myself. So why even go out with a Korean? Especially if you hated them?

So much for going Korea together.
   Or the aquarium.
      Or for me to wear those dresses for you.

So much for I'll never break up with you.
     So much with I'll always be there.
         So much for being sad,
when I mention talking about you breaking up with me.

(Which did really happen)

No, no ones going to like me. Even if YOU LIKED me, but didn't like my personality. Who the fuck else is going to stand it? No one, No I am not a fucken nice person, who gives you the right to say such things as that and say you're not lying.

Just like when you call me pretty.
   & said you loved me.

I'm guessing its just as much as how much "I won't break up with you" goes.
I'm guessing you have someone else in mind?
So much for celebrating 200 and 300 days and getting cut when I reminded you I never last that long, whos fucken fault is that.

& I bet you your break up lines were all lies as well. Bullshit you're going to talk to me. Bullshit BullFUCKENshit, what else, yeah ? I got one, "it won't be the last time I'm calling you" WHAT FUCKEN BULLSHIT. I hate myself too.

Once again I'm crying my tears out.
It's my fault.
I became something he wouldn't take anymore.
So much for the answers you gave me 15 days ago.
It doesn't matter now.
You say you wanna focus on you're studies? I'm so sure.
Someone else has used that on me.

& you're doing the same. So maybe you are the same.

It's been so long; it's crazy for me to still be caught up about you; but I am. I still have questions to ask you. I want to know why you even went out with me in the first place.

Remember the 24th of April - When My group of friends and uour group of friends went out :)

"They say it takes time, to get over all the serious relations. But I've been waiting patiently ..."

Yes, so sad but true. I still fucken like you.

</3.

Yes, it really has been on week that my boyfriend broke up with me, leaving me. I saw it coming, but I didn't want him to, he made me feel like I WAS worth something, that I was NEEDED in this life. He treated me very well and he cared for me, like no one else has before.

It was my fault and I know it. I wish I could reverse time and change it. I'm sorry, I know that he'll like me"So called bestfriend" because she's always happy and yeah. I want to meant something to this world. I want to leave a mark on a person that will last forever (in a good way).

I thought he was the one, I thought we'd one day get married or go uni together and have lunch. I mean I've never loved someone like this before, the other were merely a schoolgirl crush. I loved him, I asked him out. I fucken loved him the most someone could love another. The other times I guess it was either my lust or my naive-ness. I fucken loved him, I wrecked it. I was the one who wrecked it all.

I fucken really loved him, I wish this could turn out like the the movies with "10 things I hate about you" or something. I wish I was something to him, I don't even think I mean anything to him. And I tell ghim "I've stabbed my self, do you care" I dont think he realises that I HAVE infact stabbed myself, he thinks it's merely a thing to ask him.

I wrote this to a friend. But yeah, I can't trust anyone now.

Gosh, it's all my fault. I thought I could show him my real feelings, I guess I was wrong, all I did was thought I could trust him. But I guess he judged me anyway. It was my fault.

Hah, it's so idiotic why he doesn't just TELL ME I'm nothing. Wait I forgot, he never tells me anything anyway. I might aswell be just a friend to him, he treats me as one anyway LMAO, he doesn't tell any of his friends anything and he doens't tell me anything. I love him but he just doesn't do the small thigns that matter like sending a random sms in the middle of the day just saying "I love you" or one day suprising me with a bunch of hand-picked flowers or a hand written letter or message or a pinic basket with pinic food. I want things like that to happen with out needing me to ask him. I wish I was something important to him. I want to be something important to him.

I'm like nothing to alot of people. No one notices how much I do for them. I don't think they'd evern care if I left, not like I can; I don't think I've gotten into anyschools. I want, fuck why do I always want so many thigns and alot I can't have? Fuck it. FUCK IT.

xox much love.

& sometimes it feels there is no meaning for my life. I'm fucken wasting it. Why, I feel like this I do not know. I wish I could say I was happy. But I'm not. I'm fucken depressed and really I don't know why. I have fucken people who don't know the MEANING of emo call me it, even my "friend". I feel like I have lost something. And truly I don't know what it is. I don' have fun anymore. I can't enjoy the little things. I even didn't feel like eating. Why I am like this I don't know. And fuck man I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. I needed moral support, but who to look to, no one. Once again I took on this shit by myself. * Kicks Rock *. I think that thing missing is friends. I need somebody, someone. Who isn't faking it because of their pity. I seriously need someone. But no one understands me. & I don't want to bother people. I feel so lonely. I don't know why. I don't understand it.

I just need moral support. I need someone. Someone to be my medicine and make it all better. I need someone. I wish I was pretty. I wish I was cool. I wish I had money. I wish I was smart. I wish I wasn't lonely. I wish .... I don't know. I need real people. I need support. I need love. I need action. I need plans. I need a dream. I need a life. I need friends. I need something to be. I need a goal. I want money. I want so many things. I need so many things. I WISH I HAD so many things.

Fucken hell I don't get it. And no one well get me. Fucken FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. .. I feel so dead inside.

xox much love.

It's been while, but the truth is. I think I'm slowly losing interest, it's not that I don't like him anymore. It's just it's getting boring. No, I will not break up with him, because all that is needed is a little push futher somewhere in the romantic part of things. I love him, I truly do, but he just doens't understand me. I have other who do but yeah.

"I'm going to colour in this world, with a blue .. I draw the circular clourds .. with a green I draw the food for the clouds, with a red I draw a house ....... "

Hrm, I hope no one will notice. It's really soon when I hope this little thing can rejuvinate our love. I feel bd. I like him. But yeah. I love him actually. I'm just a bitch.