& sometimes it feels there is no meaning for my life. I'm fucken wasting it. Why, I feel like this I do not know. I wish I could say I was happy. But I'm not. I'm fucken depressed and really I don't know why. I have fucken people who don't know the MEANING of emo call me it, even my "friend". I feel like I have lost something. And truly I don't know what it is. I don' have fun anymore. I can't enjoy the little things. I even didn't feel like eating. Why I am like this I don't know. And fuck man I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. I needed moral support, but who to look to, no one. Once again I took on this shit by myself. * Kicks Rock *. I think that thing missing is friends. I need somebody, someone. Who isn't faking it because of their pity. I seriously need someone. But no one understands me. & I don't want to bother people. I feel so lonely. I don't know why. I don't understand it.

I just need moral support. I need someone. Someone to be my medicine and make it all better. I need someone. I wish I was pretty. I wish I was cool. I wish I had money. I wish I was smart. I wish I wasn't lonely. I wish .... I don't know. I need real people. I need support. I need love. I need action. I need plans. I need a dream. I need a life. I need friends. I need something to be. I need a goal. I want money. I want so many things. I need so many things. I WISH I HAD so many things.

Fucken hell I don't get it. And no one well get me. Fucken FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. .. I feel so dead inside.

xox much love.