Am I that little to you for you to leave me again and again? you probably expect me to be waiting there just like a lost dog waiting for it's owner to come back and I probably will wait for you like usual, just for how much longer? I don't know. Mostly the owner will come back, and hug the lost dog and love it greatly, other times the owner deliberately have left the dog there never to see it again. But the dog will TRY and find it's way back and in the process might get hurt, injured or even killed; but the owner who left the dog there wouldn't give one shit. Why do I keep waiting? It's because I love him alot, and if it wasn't for him I would of gone somewhere, and maybe hurt myself badly enough to kill me. Because I don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to be like "Oh fuck my girlfriend killed herself" you now what I mean? I fucken love him, but I don't know if he feels the same.

" What do you do when your life is a diaster, and your going fast, and it's getting harder to breathe. "

I like this band :) Alwells. Who cares. He is still gone, I wonder if he'll ever come back in time to call me or try to. I wonder if he'll even come back at all, but wait I know him too well, he'll come back, just in time and then apologise and I'll believe him again and again. I just don't get it. Fuck I'm so fragile but so easy to get me back. You won't ever get me. It's fine.

xox much love.

Yeap, it's seems infact that statement is true. His too busy for me. Something I need right now he goes "wait for a moment" like WHAT THE FUCK? Now he has planned to do things, and those things don't include anything with seeing me, tlaking to me, chatting to me, helping me, calling me or anything in particular. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. Why can't you just break the news and tell me "YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME", and make it easier for me. Is it to much to ask for, that some of your precious time is dedicated to me?

"I'm sorry" - Him

Fucken. Not like my schools any better. "Fuck man you hate every teacher", "No I only hate teachers who treat we like some dumbfuck if their racist". But His your race, "So what he still treats me like a dumbfuck". Fucken Rhiannon Dogged seating with me for Ellenie and Andrea. With fuck you hope you fail science bitch.

xox much love.

Yes another rant about him, and his ways. Fuck Even the SMALL thigns you WON'T or CAN'T do for me, it's like I'M FUCKEN NOTHING TO YOU. But I know I'm not, but that's the way you treat me. I still don't know why, I expect to depend upon you for smaller things. But you won't even OPEN a window JUST FOR ME.Yes I know I'm NOTHING to you, even if you say I'm not, or if I'm annoying. Fuck man. i'm nothing to you and just fucken say it.

"Should I bite my tongue to blood soaks my shirt."

Alwells, I shall learnt to live with the fact that I'm nothing to him. Nothing at all, I'm worthless. :)

xox much love.

I always want to ask something of him, but then I stop and delete the instant message knowing all I'll be doing is hurting myself. It sounds abit slack but that's just how I feel with him, I can't anything because all I'll be is disappointed, even if it's just the little things. I think I expect too much from him, even if it's small. And I don't expect him coming home early to chat to me either. I know him too well. I'm going to see All American Rejects, but the problem is my parents won't let because it is on a school day (Thursday) I don't care. I'm going, HelloGoodbye is SUPPORT <3 Many people are going just to see them JUST LIKE ME. I'm also going to Panic! At The Disco <3 But I'm not as excited, my dad better pay me $50 back.

"Ariel is a bitch when you get to know her, so don't be her friend" - Quote Jenny

Alwells, hope his fine. I hope I don't hurt him so much that he thinks I don't trust him, because I do, alot actually. Alwells. I need friends, a life, money.

xox much love.

I'd cry so badly if I didn't move schools. I'd cut myself or something. I really want to get out of this shithole. I want to change, I don't want to be this emo, fragile, lonely bitch. I want to stop doing gangster shit, even if it isn't big, if I follow this thing I know I'll end up in some gang. I know I've done wrong before. But I hate being me. I hate being Ariel. I hate this life, this school, my so-called "friends" and other things.

"So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me, off-guard, red handed and now I'm far from lonely. I sleep, I still see you lying next to me. I'll be just fine pretending I'm not, I'm far from lonely and that's all that I got."

Alwells. Sigh. & That's all that I got. And you're bullshit still pisses me off. Fucken hell. Wished I had someone to talk to. I wished I had friends, I wish I had money, I wished I was popular. I wish I wasn't hated. I wish I wasn't at my school.

xox much love.

It's so stupid of me to STILL believe what he says. Maybe I just WANT it to be true. It may be little things, but things I believe and depend on. Fuck man, Why can't I just make myself learn, he WON'T do many things that he say he will. Like coming back on time or doing something he said he would do. I don't get why .. I'm so FUCKEN NÀVE TO STILL BELIEVE HIM.

"I'll do it when I come back"

But then, you come back and actually do it, but you know whats so stupid? I think thats why I'm still here believing your bullshit. Time after time, you do this again and again. Fuck I don't get you. Fuck man, when you say you're going to do, do it; don't take an hour later after saying "You should of done it too" when I actually DID try.

xox much love.

School is such a bitch. Yeah well FUCK YOU TOO ANDREA. Think you're all that. Well I'm sorry I have NO FRIENDS. I'm ALSO sorry THAT I know WHAT THE FUCK THE TEACHER KNOWS. Fucken Bitch. Yeah well if you have a problem .. Let's sort it out once I'm not in school.

"Ariel, we don't like your attitude, can you please stop hanging with us?."

Pshh They thought they were gangster because they listened to rap & rock and swore ablot and said bro. And also because they dresslike like "niggahs" with the hoodie and all. Pshhhhh I don't need them and I didn't need them to get all my connections. And now they thikn their cool because they smoke. Fuck it's their fault their killing their life.

xox much love

Hello. Fxck yes I'm guilty, guilty to the last bone in my body. I'm really sorry, and I want him to know that. I wish he did. And Man I love him to bits. I told him I'd tell him something in a special amount of time. I'll tell it to him when we've been going out for long enough I'll tell him something that he doesn't know. It's really my fault I'm so fragile. It's all my past memories that go into one and it becomes me. This one memory still stays with me.

Ellenie* was talking to Lucy* and was saying stuff like "You know Ariel she cuts herself, she's such a loser, don't talk to her, she has heaps of scars on her wrists!" And I walked in to hear enough and then I just took off my watch to show them I didn't have any scars and I cried .. That night Lucy* emailed me saying "Ariel, I want to be your friend .. But only online, so don't talk to me in real life"

* Names have been altered for their privacy.

Yeah Like wtf was that? Ellenie was suppose to be my friend, I guess not .. I guessed wrong. Lucy was being two faced, she pretended to like him online because she just felt sorry for me, you know the stupid thing is? Lucy talks to me now a days as nothing had happened, we are friend, but I don't trust her. I've given her SO many FUCKEN chances that no one has that many. It's so stupid how I keep crawling back ..

xox much love

Even though he says "I love you so much" or "I trust you". There's so many things he won't do for you. Even if you are "The Most Important" thing to him. He wont :

- Write a letter saying sorry or ILY
- Sing a song for you
- Keep his promises
- Stop bringing your hopes high and then shatters them
- Not dog you
- Not Lie to you
- Not break your heart everynight.
- Tell you his secrets
- Tell you what he thinks
- Tell you what's bothering him
- Message you first
- Message you in the morning just to say hi
- Message you at night time just to say goodnight
- Change himself
- Stop changing when friends are around
- Really love you when you're down.

But what can you do. I fucken love him to bits, yes he does make me cry EVERYNIGHT, but thats just because I get hurt so easily, I'm so fragile .. But he doesn't realise half the times I am crying. I don't want to hurt him, if .. just I know, I shouldn't expect aot of things from him, I should expect nothing.

xox much love.